


Infinite Love

by sweeetmonstrosity



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluffy Ending, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mild Language, One Shot, POV Alternating, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-05 21:33:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17926754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweeetmonstrosity/pseuds/sweeetmonstrosity
Summary: In which their souls are reunited and they get a second chance to be together.





	Infinite Love

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This was written for a tumblr writing challenge. My prompt was the song Whiskey Lullaby by Brad Paisley (feat. Allison Krauss).  
> WARNING: Mentions of depression, gun violence and suicide implications (no actual violence or suicide take place - the song’s lyrics imply them)

**_She put him out_ ** _._

“So, I saw Stevie today. He came by to see you.” You nonchalantly mentioned to Bucky as you were cleaning up from dinner.

“Oh, yeah? Did he say what he needed, Y/N?” He asked as he stacked the dishes up on the counter.

 “Sort of, he mentioned something, it was obvious he thought I already knew.” You explained. “He tried covering for you though, explain it all away on why I hadn’t been told my fiancé had signed up for the war and is leaving in a few days.”

You could see Bucky’s body tense up and as he turned around you saw how panicked his face was. “Darlin’, let me explain-”

Cutting him off, you clutched a towel between your hands and hissed, “no explanations needed, Buck. I know how your head works, you didn’t know _how_ to tell me, so you put it off.” He nodded his head frantically and opened his mouth again, but you had walked away into the bedroom.

He watched as you looked at the pictures of you two together and but he stopped you before you could grab your things. “Y/N, please, don’t leave. I was gonna sit you down tonight and tell you everything. I swear I was darlin’. You gotta believe me.”

**_She broke his heart._ **

You placed your hand on his cheek and smiled sadly, “I do believe you, Buck. But I don’t think I can handle you being gone. As much as it kills me to say this, I don’t think it’s a good idea to stay together.” Bucky tightened his grip on your hand and froze in place.

Kissing his cheek softly, you took a breath as a couple tears fell down your cheeks and whispered, “it’ll always be you, Buck. No one can ever take your place. I’ll be waiting for you. The day you come back, I’ll be there. We can run away like you always wanted to travel the world and start a family. I love you, James Buchanan Barnes.”

He became a different person while he was at war. He drank and volunteered for the risky missions, he put himself on the first lines. He threw himself into the most dangerous situations, sometimes buzzed and sometimes completely drunk, knowing it would kill you if you ever found out.

He needed to cause you pain. He drank like he needed that whiskey to breath. It became his addiction. Drink in the mornings before workouts. Drink after workouts were done. Drink before a mission. Drink when the mission got to hard. Drink after a mission.

**_But he could never get drunk enough._ **

He drank and drank to try and forget his best girl. The only girl he knew he would ever be in love with. His Y/N. But you always stayed there in his mind.

That’s when he made a mistake. He was partially drunk when his team had gotten captured. He knew his guys were dying because of what these doctors were doing. He could hear their screams and the pain they were in. When it was his turn, he was okay with what was to come. He needed you gone. You were everywhere.

The smallest thing would be mentioned, a word, a smell, a fucking coin, and you would pop up in his head. Saying you loved him, you needed him, you were his. You were all he seen when they injected him with that stuff. Telling him to hold on. To fight for you. Fight for your love, your future together.

It pissed him off that you helped him hold on long enough for Stevie to show up and save him.

**_And finally drank away her memory._ **

You were still there, and he was supposed to be recovering from what happened. But he just drank and drank. He needed to forget you. But he also had to repay Stevie for saving him, even if he didn’t want to be saved.

So, when Stevie needed his help, he agreed, he shouldn’t have. He was drunk off his ass. It was to the point he could barely remember you would put him in a cold shower to help sober him up.

His second mistake was the one that was fatal. Too drunk to comprehend what was really happening. To understand the height they were at. To know what was really happening.

**_Life is short but this time it was bigger._ **

Steve didn’t think it was that bad for Bucky. That all’s he did was drink to forget, until the rest of the Howlies told him. Bucky made sure to never drink in front of one of them too many times in one day, so none of them really knew how bad it was.

Bucky was his best friend. No, he was Stevie’s brother, so Steve knew he had to go back to look for Bucky’s body. There was no way in hell he was just going to leave him there, alone in the middle of nowhere.

And so, they searched. For miles and miles around where Steve estimated his fall. Stevie and the Howlies looked for Bucky and they came with nothing. They were all ready to leave until they heard their Captain cry out.

**_We found him with his face down in the pillow._ **

**_With a note that said I’ll love her ‘till I die._ **

Alls that remained was a bloody picture. A picture Stevie took of you both. At his apartment, laying on the couch. Bucky was laying on his stomach with his face in the pillow, sleeping. And you were curled up under his chest, letting him cover your body with his own.

Stevie had asked why, and you answered “he’s like my own personal blanket since he’s a blanket hog I had to figure something else out.”

Bucky took the picture from Steve and kept it on him. Always. Even showed Steve the day he wrote on the bottom of it **_I’ll love her ‘till I die._** “She’s my girl, Stevie, my Y/N, nothing’s gonna change that.”

**_And when we buried him beneath the willow._ **

**_The angels sang a whiskey lullaby._ **

Bucky’s little sister informed you what happened. He wasn’t coming back. You lead his family to yours and Bucky’s favorite tree. The tree where you met. You didn’t need his body to lay him to rest. You just needed your love for him.

And so, you and his family planted flowers for him next to his favorite place and said your goodbyes.

**_The rumors flew._ **

**_But nobody knew how much she blamed herself._ **

The love of your life was gone and you broke his heart before he left. You knew it was your fault it happened. You were angry and hurt he hid it from you, but you knew you shouldn’t have said you couldn’t be together anymore. He was the only person you would ever love.

When he first left, a research team approached you asked for you to join them. They wanted to change mankind for the better. To make the future a greater place. But you denied them. You had to wait for him to return. You had to get your Bucky back.

But he was gone, and his blood, his death was on your hands.

**_She tried to hide the whiskey on her breath._ **

You drank. It was one thing you and he bonded over. Drinking to numb the other feelings in you when they got too much.

You drank and drank until you couldn’t remember what day it was. You could never hide how drunk you were like he could. So, when Rebecca came over to check on you, she saw how broken you were and helped put you back together.

She convinced you to go be apart of that research team. “Change the world, sis. Show them all that Y/N and Bucky Barnes were the couple to save the world! Do this for him, he would have wanted you to take this chance.”

**_She finally drank her pain away._ **

**_A little at a time._ **

The research team wasn’t what you thought it was. They kept injecting you with things. Saying “it’s for new diseases. You’re helping us shape the future, Y/N, trust us.”

They still let you drink, you drank every second they allowed you too. You didn’t want to feel the pain that you broke Bucky’s heart before he left. That he died believing you hated him or at least didn’t love him anymore.

Everyday, the pain eased more and more.

**_She put that bottle to her head._ **

**_And pulled the trigger._ **

**_And finally drank away his memories._ **

You were with this “research team” for two years now. Everyday was the same. Drink as much as possible. “Shape the future” by getting a million and one injections and then passing out. At one point, you forgot why you were drinking so much. You tried to remember, but everything was blank.

It seemed normal, like it was routine. So, you continued it. You asked your doctor about a man you remember. There was no name, barely a description, but you knew he was supposed to mean something because he was always there. Telling you “save yourself. Run. Fight for me, please.”

The response you got from your doctor was “don’t worry, femme fatale. Whoever he is, he won’t be a problem soon.”

**_We found her with her face down in the pillow._ **

**_Clinging to his picture for dear life._ **

Bucky’s family was told by the police, they had found your body. You were dead in your apartment. They weren’t sure if it was a murder or an accidental death, but no one was allowed to see your body until they determined what happened. All they were given was a picture of Bucky. Said “she had this in her hands when we found her.” Rebecca let out loud heart-wrenching sobs, so did her siblings and her mother, she felt like her heart was breaking for the third time. First James, then Stevie, and now you.

His family waited like the officers said and when they went to ask about your funeral, they were told the station didn’t know what you were talking about. Those ‘officers’ that came to their front door didn’t exist. There was no record of you being found dead in your apartment. But the real cops said you were probably kidnapped and those guys were covering for if Buck’s family started looking for you. They were devastated. You, Steve and Bucky were all gone, without a trace.

**_We laid her next to him beneath the willow._ **

**_While the angels sang the whiskey lullaby._ **

Finally, they decided to lay you next to Bucky and Stevie. You guys belonged together. Everyone knew that. You were the three musketeers. The three peas in a pod. One wasn’t complete without the other two.

You were soulmates. In different ways, but no matter what happened, you always ended back up with each other.

It was bound to happen. Come hell or high water, you three would be reunited once again.

**_La-la-la-la-la-la-la._ **

You became the **femme fatale.**

No longer did Y/N Y/L/N exist. She’s been dead since the 40’s. You were now the deadliest female weapon Hydra ever created, the second deadliest weapon Hydra created. You were the best at seducing what you needed out of men without ever touching them. And killing them the same way.

You were frozen when you weren’t needed for years. Or locked in an inescapable cell if there were only a few months between when you were needed. You always knew when you were going back under.

The only time you were frozen without warning was when a picture would pop in your head during certain missions. Questioning them about the picture made them angry and they put you back in the shock machine then back into the pod.

That man from the picture always lingered in your head though. Even after the re-frying of your brain. He was always there.

**_La-la-la-la-la-la-la._ **

He became the **winter soldier.**

James Buchanan Barnes was just one of the Howling Commandos. Died in the most honorable way, protecting his country. Now, he was just the deadliest weapon Hydra ever created. He was the best at killing anyone quickly and efficiently with no problems or missed shots. He was also the best at being a ghost. No one knew if he was real or just a story.

And like you, he was frozen when he wasn’t needed for a while. Or locked up when he was needed more often.

The picture was the only reason he was frozen suddenly. It was of a man and a woman laying together. He could see her face but there was never a name. He asked about her once, and they upped his shocking treatment and put him back on ice.

Her face was always there. Especially when his mission was to take out families, children included. Her face made him hesitate for a millisecond and then he finished his mission and left.

**_La-la-la-la-la-la-la._ **

The **femme fatale** and the **winter soldier** were needed for the same mission. It was the one to finally tip the scales in favor of Hydra. They did their separate missions and then finally met up to do their mission together.

The talked about the best way to handle the guy with the shield, and guy with the wings and the woman with red hair while completing the mission too. Never once looking at each other. They weren’t friends. They didn’t need to sit and stare at each other when talking about a mission. The facts were only needed.

The longer you sat together, you felt the need to walk over to him. To shake his hand or something. For the moment, you were partners, and you needed him to know you had respect for him and what he’s done for Hydra. But you hesitated.

He felt compelled to thank you for all you accomplished for Hydra. Look you in the eyes and nod at you or something. It was strange. He’s never felt like he needed to thank any other agent for doing their job. But you, you were different and he couldn’t understand why.

**_La-la-la-la-la-la-la._ **

At last, you began to walk over to him and at the same time he decided to turn around.

You gasped out loudly when your eyes connected with his and you took a step back while clutching your hand to your chest. He looked like he was having the same problem catching his breath but he had his grip on the wooden table keeping himself standing.

Suddenly you were hit with a force that made you drop to your knees and let out a guttural scream as memories from the past fifty plus years flooded through your head.

He was watching you writhe on the floor as he broke or pieces of the table. His memories flooding him too, from when he was a kid to the woman from the picture all through his time of being the **soldier** until this moment. He was grinding his teeth as he stumbled over to you. Needing to check on you, make sure you were still breathing because you went completely still on the floor.

He was the man from the picture. You closed your eyes and tried to conjure it up in your head to compare it to the man in front of you and you stilled your body where it was to concentrate. You felt when he softly placed two of his fingers on your pulse to make sure you were alive and when he did your eyes shot open. Staring right at him, a memory popped in your head and so you decided you should do what you did in the memory.

Slowly, you moved your hand up to his face. You could see him watching you closely, making sure you couldn’t catch him off guard to kill him, when you cupped his cheek. His eyes shot back to yours and held you in place. Placing your other hand on his other cheek, you assume he had memories too and they told him the same.

**_La-la-la-la-la-la-la._ **

But when he placed his second hand on your cheek, you didn’t expect to remember every little thing you did all these years. It made your heart hurt and you wrapped your arms around his back and cried into his neck. “Bucky, I’m sorry! I’m so so sorry!”

He held you. Held you close and wasn’t letting go anytime soon. “I’ve got you, Y/N. You’re okay. We’re okay.” He repeated it over and over again until you calmed down.

“What are we gonna go, Buck? They are gonna want their two greatest assets back. I don’t want to forget you again. Please say you have a plan.” You hiccuped out. There wasn’t any way in hell you were going to lose him again.

“We won’t go back, okay? I’m not leaving you again. We run and fight, like we always have. But this time, we do it together okay? I always remembered you, you know? All these years, it’s always been you. God, I love you, Y/N.” He assured you. For hours he made sure you understand it was you and him against the world.

“I remembered you too, Buck. Always. Even when they tried their hardest to get you out of my mind, a piece of you always stuck around. I love you too. I love you too, Buck.”

**_La-la-la-la-la-la-la._ **

What you both weren’t expecting, is your third partner in crime to be alive too. He was alive, and would have been hurt beyond repair or dead, because he was the mission. He didn’t know you were alive, but when he found yours and Buck’s apartment, he was shocked silent. You giggled and chirped out, “Little Stevie Rogers, still kicking ass and saving his two best friends when we truly need it.” And boy, did you and Bucky need all the help you could get to take down Hydra, which you all did. With the help of Stevie’s new team.

A couple months after Hydra was gone, Stevie took you both back to the willow. He showed you that Rebecca had buried him there, along with you and Bucky. A wooden sign was hanging there on the tree above where you were laying to rest. **The best three people who chose the world over themselves. Long live the three musketeers. Mr. and Mrs. Y/N and Bucky Barnes, and Mr. Stevie Rogers. May your souls join together in another life.**

Bucky wrapped an arm around your waist and across Steve’s shoulder just taking in all that’s happened over the last seventy years. It’s silent until you hear Stevie crow out, “Becky always knew how to hit us all in the gut to make the tears fall.” You let out a loud garbled laugh as you began to both laugh and cry. Nodding your head along with Bucky, he proudly praised, “she sure did punk, she also knew we would never be separated even in death.”

You finally proclaimed, “although I hate how we all got our second chance to be here together, I’m just glad it happened. Now let’s go make Rebecca and our family proud and let’s save the world.”

That’s how you find yourself, your fiancé, and your best friend today. Fighting for each other, fighting for your new-found friends, fighting for love. You and Bucky haven’t touched any whiskey since things went bad for you both. In those times of needing to be numb, you turn to each other and let the other take it all away. But at the end of each day, there was one question that always crossed your mind.

**_La-la-la-la-la-la-la._ **

_ Who knew three kids from Brooklyn, who happened to be best friends, would be alive at 100 years old and still kicking ass together? _


End file.
